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27 October 2008 @ 11:43 am
 or at least it feels like that sometimes.

Anyway,  I have finally returned to "undead" journal after 14 weeks of insanity.  Well, I wasn't insane, just life in general was.  I don't even know when 14 weeks ago was... I don't have the internet at home, so I'm not online much.  And they frown on surfing the net when working at Starbuck.  lol

I am in Washington visiting Shelby and Michael.  This state is amazing and beautiful...and I want to live here.  Seriously.  I think it's the first time I've visited another state and thought, "I would be willing to leave my friends and family in Missouri for the opportunity to try this place out for awhile."  Maybe it's just because I'm getting tired of Joplin... I don't know.  Even though I don't enjoy change, I get bored after being in one place for more than a few years.  It feels like it's about time to leave Joplin.  I won't have a place to live in about 6 months anyway, so who knows....  Yet another thing to pray about, I suppose.

Significant places:
Seattle.  There is much more exploring to be done there.  But, I quite like what I've seen thus far, especially Pike Place.  Hope to see Ann soon!
Oak Harbor.  This is a quite and pretty place... and it's on an island no less!  Being with my best friend and cousin again is really nice.
Vancouver, B.C.  I'll let you know.  Shelby and I are going tomorrow.

Ok, I've wasted enough time online for today.
Current Location: Washington
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
18 July 2008 @ 03:19 am

 I just got home from the midnight showing of The Dark Knight.  It was well worth the money and lack of sleep, in my opinion.  I'm glad Clayton and Austin talked me into going...  The theatre had a few problems getting it started and I thought they were going to have a riot on their hands, but they finally got it working and the fans returned to an excited crowd instead of a pissed off mob.  

Cappuccino Chocolate Chunk ice cream from Braums is amazing, by the way.  I know this seems like a completely random comment (blink, blink), but Kandace and I got some before going to the theatre.  We got there 2 hours before it started and still ended up sitting at the neck-straining front of the auditorium.  Oh well....

I've been trying to read more this summer.  Fiction, I mean.  I finished the Bell Jar.  It was sad, but interesting and enjoyable (if you can say that about it).  I am currently reading a book by a Chicana author titled Let Their Spirits Dance.  I like it so far.  It's about the Vietnam war and how it affected families from el barrio that that lost sons in the war.  Today, I read that the only Chicano man to receive a Medal of Honor from that war was buried in Morelia, Mexico.... which is the city I studied in for a few weeks 2 years ago.  I like reading about foreign places and thinking, "Hey, I've been there!"  It really makes me want to travel alot more.  I tend to go a bit crazy if I'm in the States too long.  Is that bad?

Well, I really should try to sleep now.

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Current Location: home
Current Mood: awakeawake
28 June 2008 @ 05:53 pm

I was just lying on the couch a few minutes ago, thinking about how different people in my life have made sacrifices and how those sacrifices have made me into the person that I am today.   I never realized how many and to what extent people have given up until today.  It is a very sobering and humbling thing to think about.  An overwhelming feeling of gratitude caused tears to trickle down my face.  I owe so much to so many people, yet I know that none of them expect anything in return.


Ok, so you are probably wondering where all of this is coming from...  Most of you know that the past year (especially the past few months) have been quite difficult for me in many aspects.  Physically, mentally, spiritually...  I was fighing a bit of depression for awhile.  I just recently started to talk about it in past-tense, which is a huge step toward healing, in my opinion.  I came to the realization that how I "feel" will never change unless I change my attitude.  Meaning, I needed to stop reacting to life's circumstances and instead respond to them.  (A reaction does not use the mind, while a response is thought out first).  

Also, I realized that thanksgiving, praise and joy are more of a sacrifice to God when we are going through trials.  It's easy to thank Him for what we consider good.  Or praise Him when life is easy.  Or be joyful when everything is going our way.  But, much more beautiful and sweeter smelling are our prayers and worship to a loving God when they come from a soul in the midst of a storm.  And He never allows us to go through trials for no reason.

So, I decided to be thankful for everything in my life, whether I considered it good or bad.  Every morning when I wake up, I find at least 5 things to be thankful for.  Every night before I go to bed, I thank God for another 5 things from the day.  This, along with consistent time in the Word and prayer, has slowly brought me out of my long night of depression and into the light of hope.  I am actually excited about this next year.  Even though I have absolutely no idea exactly what I will be doing, if I will be going anywhere, or how my circumstances will change.  I have faith that God has a plan for my good.  This isn't to say I won't have days where I question and doubt, because I will.  I'm not perfect.  But, I am looking forward instead of dwelling on the past.  I am appreciating that God has me in this present place for a purpose and learning to serve Him where I am, not waiting until I'm where I want to be. 

And that's all I have to say about that....for now.

Current Location: home
Current Mood: thankfulthankful
09 June 2008 @ 12:41 pm

The question “Why?” is posed about 420 times in the Bible (according to The Strongest NASB Exhaustive Concordance).  Some of the questions are directed to God from man, others to man from God, and still others between men.


We begin asking “Why?” at a very early age, usually as a toddler.  It is in our human nature to want to know the reason or purpose for actions we must take or events that happen in our lives (or the lives of others).  I remember a little boy I used to baby-sit, who is now driving, by the way… Wow, that makes me feel old!  He was never satisfied with any answer I gave to his questions.  Each answer was followed with another “why?” 


“Why is the sky blue?” 

“Because God made it that way.”


“Because He wanted to.”


“Because He thinks it’s a pretty color”




“I don’t know.”



Eventually you can distract a 4-year-old with a toy or game and his inquisitive mind gives you peace for a time.  However, as we get older, we become more persistent in ask “why?”  Especially when we don’t understand the reason God allows certain situations that bring us grief or pain or lack the knowledge of purpose behind it.  Thankfully, our Father is patient with us when we continue to question Him and comforts us with His Word.  His answer is often a simple “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). 


In the Bible, Job’s questions with questions (and a bit of sarcasm) that bring the realization of the Lord’s supreme authority over all things. 


God answers:

“Would you discredit My justice?

Would you condemn Me to justify yourself?

Do you have an arm like God’s, and can your voice thunder like His? 

Then adorn yourself with glory and splendor, and clothe yourself in honor and majesty.” (Job 40:8-10)


 Job replies:

“I know that You can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. 

You ask, ‘Who is this that obscures My counsel without knowledge?’

 Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know.”

 (Job 42:2-3)


I love Job’s response!  He humbly acknowledges God’s ability to do “all things” and his inability to understand the reason behind his suffering.  In the end, we may still have questions and they may never be answered to our satisfaction, yet, we must trust that God knows what He is doing.  He created us and everything around us.  He causes everything to work together for a purpose, even when we don’t know what it is.  This is a difficult lesson to learn (and re-learn) during difficult times in our life.  We so often want to be in control and want to know the “why” of everything.  Sometimes we just have to trust.


I pray that my heart will be as the following verses—with earnest trust in our Father’s lovingkindness and faithfulness.


“Lord, my heart is not proud; my eyes are not haughty.
I don’t concern myself with matters too great or too awesome for me to grasp.
Instead, I have calmed and quieted myself, like a weaned child with its mother.
Yes, like a weaned child is my soul within me.

O Israel, put your hope in the Lord—now and always.”

(Psalm 131)

Current Location: BSU
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
26 May 2008 @ 06:48 pm
Current Location: home
Current Mood: boredbored
20 May 2008 @ 10:08 am
 I just found out that my friend and neighbor, Erid, was in a terrible motorcycle accident.  I believe he is in ICU at one of the local hospitals.  His brother, Brek, sent me a Facebook message very early this morning and is trying to get a flight out of Alaska to be here by tonight.  I am looking forward to seeing him, but not under these circumstances....

I will try to post updates when/if I hear anything.  Thank you in advance for your prayers! 

I just got back from the hospital.  It's pretty bad...  Erid's helmet came off when he was hit by the truck.  His skull is shattered, he probably has brain damage and both his legs are broken.  The doctors don't expect him to make it...  Brek is still trying to get here from Alaska.  Please continue praying...  I know God can turn the situation around if it's His will.  Some good will come out of this situation, no matter what happens.  I am sure of that.
Current Location: BSU
Current Mood: worriedworried
20 May 2008 @ 12:17 am
I had a migraine all afternoon and most of the evening.  This caused me to sleep most of the day away and become a bit nocturnal tonight.  What to do?  My roommate is gone and most of the students are as well.  Maybe I will read since the computer screen seems to still be a little too bright for my eyes....
Current Location: home
Current Mood: awakeawake
13 May 2008 @ 01:33 pm


Current Location: BSU
Current Mood: boredbored
09 May 2008 @ 10:51 am
How do you handle making "big" decisions in your life?  What things help you during decision-making?  Some people pray.  Many make pros and cons lists.  Others just go for the most convenient option.  What do you do?  I want to know.  Please comment! 

Yes, these are the questions that float around in my head when I can sleep at night!  lol

Btw, our apartment flooded a bit the other night.  Rams and I are sleeping on our mattresses in the front room until the carpet in our bedroom is dried or replaced or whatever the landlord is doing with it...  I believe I've had a total of 8-9 hours of sleepover the past two nights. 
Current Location: BSU
Current Mood: sleepysleepy
08 May 2008 @ 12:42 pm

A dream: an aspiration; goal; aim

"Dreams are the touchstones of our character." 
--Henry David Thoreau
"There is nothing like a dream to create the future."  --Victor Hugo
"Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."  --Edgar Allan Poe

So, I've been praying, trying to figure out what ideas in my head are truly dreams of mine.  Here is a list of aspirations that I would love to attain before my time on earth comes to an end (in no particular order of importance).

-Get married.  The idea of sharing the adventure of life with a like-minded person is very appealling to me.  I don't particularly enjoy doing thing alone and have found that the support of another is quite important on the journey, as it says in Ecc. 4:9-12.  (btw, this verse is one of the reasons I don't want a diamond ring, but a simple braided band.  I like the symbolism).
-Adopt a least one child.  Costly, yes, but there is a great need, it fulfills James 1:27, and is picture of God adopting us.
-Travel.  The best way to learn about people and their culture is to go.  I would love to backpack around Europe, visit all 50 states, and serve on short-term mission trips to several places in South America, Africa, and India.
-Become fluent in Spanish.  I love the sound of the language and the people that speak it... and it's a useful skill in America now.
-Record a CD of songs I've written.  Just for fun, really.  Music plays an important role in my life.  I'm not the most talented musician or songwriter, but I would like to share things on my heart with family and friends.  
-Make a difference.  In the end, I really just want to know that I have lived my life helping others have a better life through Love in action.

I'm not sure if or how this helps me figure out the next step in my life, but it's a start... 

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Current Location: BSU
Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful