I am not distressed anymore. My short breakdown on Sunday night, along with much prayer, has brought a significant amount of peace. No answers, but a calm assurance that they will be revealed eventually. My Facebook status is "waiting"... That is the only word I can think of that describes my feelings, attitude, and current... well, status. What am I waiting for? I don't know, to be honest. It seems I have recently been stripped of all my dreams and goals. This frightened me at first, because I don't know what to do when I have nothing to work toward. However, I have come to the realization that God has brought me to this place. Why? I'm not sure. Probably to keep me from making alot of mistake, which often happens when planning my life on my own.
"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart."
Somewhere I heard or read that the translation from the Hebrew phrase of God will "give" you your desires actually means He will place the desires in your heart. So, the verse isn't saying, "Make God happy and He will give you whatever you want." It's more like, "Find your delight in God and He will place the desires in your heart that will bring you joy." Interesting way to look at it...
I know I still have some dreams buried deep within me that God has placed there.... But I think how they are going to come about may be much different than I imagined. Some dreams I am not sure about anymore. Maybe they never really were my dreams to begin with. So, I pray and I wait for an answer... for the next step to be lit, the next door to be opened. This has been my focus the past few days. Trying to deepen my relationship with God instead of figuring out what to do. I am usually an action person. It's really hard to sit still and wait. It's difficult to avoid over-analying everything. It's almost impossible to do any of this with patience.
Time does not stand still as I wait.
My biological clock is still ticking.
Contracts are still winding down.
Deadlines are still passing.
Friends still leaving.
People are still asking me what I'm doing next.
Let me be content with not having answers for awhile...